Heading Home

Namaste!

It's been just two weeks, but I feel as though I've been away from home for months. Perhaps most of all, I will miss this ubiquitous daily greeting- a warm namaste, with a slight bowing of the head, hands touching at the heart- the reminder of our divine nature and our shared humanity.

It was good to come back to Nepal after so many years. My first visit left me with an incomplete, rose-tinted view of this country. Ten years on, the picture has been filled in with more beauty, but also many unpleasant truths. And I am glad to see more honestly, more clearly, this place on the other side of the world. The practice of not turning away was both a huge challenge and a great blessing during this journey.

Even as I planned, I was uncertain of the deeper "why" of this trip. I thought perhaps it would become apparent while I was here, but it has not. I'm glad to have met so many good people, and to find a worthy place to contribute funds collected before I left as well as a place to offer future support where it is desperately needed. I've also made the contacts necessary to plan a return trip with a group from the studio (let me know if you are interested!) so perhaps that will unfold as well. For more insight, perhaps I will need more time to process all that I have seen.

But I am ready to go home. I will be so incredibly grateful for heat, electricity, fresh water from the tap and fresh air to breathe outside. I look forward to a long, hot bath, lying in front of the fire with Padma, and plentiful fresh food in the fridge. Sitting here waiting for the taxi, I recognize how much I have missed my friends, my Blue family, and the comforts of a very priviledged life in the Western world.

So after this journey of exploring the outside world, I have been asking myself what is on the inside. Sitting here in the reality of the freezing cold, coughing and sneezing, with an aching head, I want to collect the emotional sum of this trip.

Most obviously, I realize that I have, finally, slowed down. Spaciousness with my time is one of my greatest challenges, and I want very much to take this space home with me. The more subtle answer is that I feel clear and open. Not clear in an enlightened or inspired way, but clear, all the way through. Although I have missed my regular practice, I realize that my practice here was just to be, and let it all flow through.

Most of all I am left with an idea about what I want to leave here with. Whether a resolve, or a promise; a prayer or a dream, it is to love without fear. I wish it for myself, I wish it for you, and I wish it for our world.

I'll see you soon.

Peace,

Jill